i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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