your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Michael Bay diarrhea
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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