we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize