u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
