I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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