I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
