Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
