so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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