i just had sex bonerless
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We just shotgunned beers for America
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
