Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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