did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
