dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize