I puked a lego.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
