She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
