I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
