Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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