I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize
