i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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