my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm bleeding and have questions
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
