So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
