I must be too annoying 4 u.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
