it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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