Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
