Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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