first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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