I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
