I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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