You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
