dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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