In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
