You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
