i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
