so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
