i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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