He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
