True but thats because hes a fetus.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
