He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
