Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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