If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
