Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Randomize
