3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
