Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
