I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
