Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
