i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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