This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
