My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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