Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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