he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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