did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize