Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
