you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
