Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
