I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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