Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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