Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
4 words: hood of his car
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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