ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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