apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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