I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
