Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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