Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
how does that bad decision feel?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
