I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
