happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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