I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize