Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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