this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
