you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
