i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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