wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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